Are You Finding Out? You Want A Boy, Right?

It is a very common question asked when a woman is pregnant.  People want to know if you plan on finding out the gender or not.  The problem with this question is that you never quite know what sort of reaction your answer is going to get.  My answer is,"Yes, I am finding out."  Then for some reason I feel I need to justify it.  How many times have I heard:

"There are so few surprises in life anymore."

"Oh, why would you want to find out?"

"That makes things so less exciting."

The problem with these responses is that they are how someone else feels-not me.  I feel that finding out at 20 weeks is just as much of a surprise as the day I deliver.  Why would I want to find out?  Welp, I like to plan.  It makes me feel prepared.  It makes me feel ready.  Honestly, welcoming a baby in the world is scary enough, so please let me just reduce my anxiety a bit by knowing the gender.  Lastly, finding out at 20 weeks is not less exciting for me.  In some ways, it's like giving myself a high five for making it half way through the pregnancy.  It's a little reward.  I love being able to refer to the baby as "he" or "she."  It helps ME feel more connected.

I understand that for some people not finding out IS more exciting.  Great for you!  Exciting for you!  I just get frustrated that people are judging other people's choices on what is best for them.  Those of us who find out should be happy for those who have the patience to wait, and those who wait should be thrilled that halfway through the pregnancy people like me get to find out what we are having.  

So, PLEASE, next time you ask someone if they are finding out what they are having and you wouldn't necessarily choose the same route don't give a judgy opinion on someone else's choices.  

Okay, now onto the next question that drives me nuts.  "You want a boy, right?  I find this question really awkward.  Would I love a boy?  For sure!  I would love to have a son someday.  Would I love to watch Paul run around with a son?  Certainly.  However, I feel really awkward and uncomfortable wishing and hoping for a boy when I know how phenomenal girls can be.  I LOVE my girls, and I know that regardless if this child is a boy or girl it will be just THE right addition for our family.  I actually worry more about the reactions of other people if we have a girl than I do my own reaction.  In some ways, I feel like we are going to be letting people down if this baby is a girl, and I HATE that feeling.

I know that if this baby is a boy we will be excited for the new adventure of parenting a son.  We will be thrilled to add a boy to this brood, but the thought of praying specifically for a boy or hoping this kid isn't a girl just doesn't sit well with me.  If this baby is a girl, we are going to rejoice and thank God for his MANY blessings he has given to us, and know that he knew that another daughter was what he meant for our growing family.  Besides, raising girls seems to be what we are good at! :-)    I was worried how Paul would react with another girl, and he said that he would be more than thrilled with a third daughter because he knows how amazing his other girls are.

Don't get me wrong--I have laughed with others and made jokes about this baby being a boy or girl.  I am light hearted about it.  I actually love hearing people's guesses, and making jokes that we have enough girly drama that a boy might balance things :-)  I just struggle when people tell me they are PRAYING and HOPING it is a boy.  I just find it interesting how people tell us this when they might not know our hearts.  We are praying for a healthy baby, and boy or girl, we are going to be thrilled.  I don't want the outcome of our ultrasound next week to be something I know will either excite or disappoint people.  I have this feeling inside me that wants to try to protect and defend this baby if it is a girl, because it seems from the reactions I get that female should not be the preferred gender of this baby for our family.

So, the next time you are talking to someone about whether they are finding out the gender and if they wish it was one or the other, just PLEASE try to think about your reaction to their response.  It can really affect a hormonal pregnant woman who is already feeling a bit crazy :-)

Sickness Survival Guide

Obviously, I am feeling a bit better, but this day has been a ROUGH one to say the least.  A couple of days ago Evie was sick, and I just hoped and prayed she wouldn't share.  Welp, she did.  Twice.  After an awful day of both Paul and I sick with the stomach flu, I felt the need to share some survival guide tips if this ever happens to you.

1. Be sure you and your spouse plan on being most sick at different parts of the day.  For instance, I was most sick this morning--completely useless.  He was able to care for the kids, and then he went down around 12:30, which is when I started to perk up a little.  Nothing like a little teamwork and careful timing.
2. Your 4 year old is your life-line, nurse, and biggest helper.  Your 21 month old is your worst enemy.  Belle went back and forth between Paul and I bringing us crackers, towels, Powerade, and just checking in on us.  Evie decided to take a short nap, crumble and throw crackers everywhere, and hurl herself off of every couch, table, and chair she could find.
3. Get sick when you're pregnant, so you have a nice stash of Zofran to help get you through the nausea and vomiting when your body literally cannot handle anymore.
4. Have no guilt about the sheer amount of television/movies your children will watch.  In fact, go ahead and buy a few new movies just to keep their attention longer than 30 minutes.
5. Do not get sick on a day you are looking forward to something.  Today Alive sang for a Sea to Sea service.  I kept telling myself I'd get it together by 4:00.  Ha!  I wasn't together at all, and I SURE couldn't leave Paul to take care of the kids while his head was in toilet.  Major disappointment.
6. Don't assume you are feeling better before you really are.  I totally fell for this, and just a couple sips of Powerade in and I was running for the toilet.  Too much confidence will never get ya anywhere!
7. Definitely put the 21 month old to bed a half hour early, even if she isn't tired.  She might stay awake in her crib, but at least she is contained and out of harms way!  This is probably much safer for her than roaming around the house while her parents are in and out of sleep and nausea.
8. When you plan on cleaning up the basement the night before, don't go to bed because you are too tired and leave it a disaster.  Part of the day we spent downstairs to occupy the girls with different toys, but we were battling with boxes, a treadmill, and cardboard.  Didn't make for a very relaxing or safe atmosphere.
9. Pray it is all over with soon!

Grace and Kudos

www.katekruegerphotography.com

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about this third baby, and I am actually surprised at the confidence and peace I feel about adding another child.  Let me explain.

When I was pregnant with Belle, I was insanely excited, but also unsure of what motherhood was like.  I knew that everything would be a new experience and I would literally learn as I went.  I spent countless hours looking at my registry and debating whether or not to get things like a diaper warmer or diaper genie.  I would organize her nursery, and then reorganize it.  I literally remember sitting in the glider trying to imagine what life was going to be like when I sat in there with a baby in my arms.  I knew exactly how far along I was in my pregnancy and what stage of development the baby was at in the womb. I knew I had sleepless nights ahead of me, but figured I had pulled many late nights in college, so it couldn't be that bad.

Then Belle came.  I learned very quickly that the sleepless nights were rough.  I learned that I could be angry and irritated with Paul for no reason other than he was sleeping next to me while I had to nurse a baby that seemed to want nothing more than to use me as a pacifier.  I learned that my baby would cry incessantly and I would have NO clue what she wanted, nor how to fix it.  Things like a diaper warmer seemed so trivial when it came down to the actually nitty gritty of caring for this human being.  Overall, those first 6 weeks of Belle's life I felt very overwhelmed, unsure of how I would handle this mothering thing, and certain I was probably doing everything wrong.

Obviously, things got easier and we decided to go for baby #2!  How easily we forget that newborn stage, right?  This time around I knew what to expect with motherhood.   I had been doing this gig for 18 months by then, so I felt I was over the initial shock of that major life change.  This pregnancy was much less glorified.  I remember about a month or two before she was born feeling like I should probably do something with the nursery.  Being as it was another girl, I didn't really make many changes.

I spent MUCH less time on the things that a baby needs, and more time spent wondering how I would manage two children.  I was honestly scared I would forget about one, or not keep a good enough eye on Belle when I was tending to Evie and something awful would happen.  I was concerned with how Belle would handle the change.  As far as she knew our world revolved around her, and she was used to not sharing.

Evie came, and surprisingly, we just did what we had to do.  The baby still cried and I had NO clue how to fix it sometimes, but I remember looking around at one point and realizing that everything I was so scared of I was doing.  I was a mother of two, and I was taking pretty good care of both of them!  Now, there was for sure times when I would nurse Evie and somehow Belle ended up naked on our back deck in the middle of winter.  I remember a time that Belle spilled milk every where, peed her pants, Evie was screaming insanely, and the door bell rang causing Mac to bark.  I for sure felt crazy, but within the 30 seconds all of this happened, it all seemed to calm down and get fixed 5 minutes later.  I survived.

Sure, as a family we had to adjust.  Belle struggled with sleeping issues, and Paul and I felt like zombies between a new baby and a 2 year old that wanted to get up as often as Evie, but somehow we got through it with lots of prayer and loads of support.  It felt like years, but in reality the couple of months that were really hard didn't last that long in the grand scheme of life.

So, onto baby #3.  I feel confident.  I feel like I have learned that the newborn stage is tough.  They don't sleep, I feel like a cow with all the nursing, it's hard to get out of the house, and it is an adjustment...but it is over with REAL quick.  I have survived it twice, so surely the third time will be survivable as well.

I've learned that toddlers are busy.  They make messes.  They cry over very illogical things.  This stage is tough, but it is THE best when you get to watch them learn how to move, how to say new words, and to see them explore life.  Evie's age right now is physically exhausting, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't love watching that girl say a new word or run like a crazy woman all over the house.  Toddlers are certainly entertaining!

Belle's age and stage is always a new learning experience for me.  I LOVE having full out conversations with her.  The other day she  let me know that she was very certain she did NOT want to go to Heaven, because she wanted to come back to our house after she died (glad she likes our home so much!).  I am also amazed at how much of a sponge she is!  The girl has books memorized, and loves to learn about animals and fill random people in on things.  For instance, did you know that only female bees sting??  On the other side of the coin, the potty training is tough, and so is finding a discipline that works sometimes.

All in all, I can say that I have learned in being a mother not to have overly high expectations of myself, not to compare myself to others, and always be ready to try new things---because honestly, I often don't have a clue what I am doing or what the plan is.  Some days I don't discipline enough, while others I think I discipline too harsh.  There are days Evie is still cranky after a 3 hour nap, but then the days she takes only an hour nap she can be happy as a lark.  Some days prizes work to get Belle to go on the potty, and other days it's consequences.

One piece of advice for any mother is to give yourself grace when you screw up, and kudos when you really do something well.  Having a third child doesn't scare me so much, because I know it will be another process of forgiving myself for mistakes I will inevitably make, and being sure to give myself credit when I have a major success.  As women we are so quick to criticize our wrong doings and downplay when we do something well.  I still have loads to learn about parenting, as it's a ever ending learning process, but I feel that grace and kudos is the only way to get through it without completely feeling you are failing.

Grace and kudos.

Professional Organizing

I will be the first person to admit that I am not someone that organization comes easy for.  Don't get me wrong--my house is generally clean and things have their place, but don't open a closet, drawer, or cupboard!  I really WANT to be organized, but it is something that takes a ton of work and effort for me.

I hate cleaning, so I often pick up as quickly as I can.  This often means that I shove toys in random baskets, throw mail where it doesn't belong, and put things in spots just to get the out of my hair.  In the end, I end up with a house that looks picked up, but nooks and crannies of disorganized clutter.

I think I finally decided to call someone to help me out when we found out we were expecting baby #3.  I was barely keeping my head above water with 2 kids, so how was I going to get laundry done and clean a house with 3?!?!?! Thus, I made my phone call with zero shame and fully ready for some changes in this house!

Ironically, it turned out that the person I was referred to was actually a woman who went to my church!  I already knew her, and automatically felt very comfortable with Lynn coming into my home and giving me a hand.

Now, as a side note--I had a few people tell me that they would be more than willing to come over and organize my house for me for free.   I knew that calling and paying Lynn to help me out was going to be MORE than worth it.  She has been trained on how to TEACH people different organizing skills, AND she is trained on how to make things personalized for their lifestyle.  She took the time to understand how I like things in my house, and how I will best function in KEEPING things organized. I truly feel that money spent on a professional organizer is definitely worth it over having your best friend come over who is neat and tidy.

Okay, so what did we do!?!?  My toughest areas on my main level are my front closet, my laundry room/bathroom, and my pantry.  She had GREAT ideas for my laundry room:

1. I store my paper towel, toilet paper, etc above our cupboard in the laundry room.  They are an eye sore, but it's an easy spot for them.  She suggested putting up a tension rod with a cute curtain to essentially "elongate" my cupboards.  This would hide the clutter, but still make it accessible.  
2. Put up another tension rod in order to hang clothes.  I like to do my laundry after kids go to bed.  If I can hang up all the clothes and put them in the laundry room they are all ready to go in bedrooms the next day.
3. Just do better with my storage in the cupboards.  Add shelves, more bins, label, and DISCIPLINE myself to put things in the right spot.
4. Another idea I am toying with, that is related to laundry, but not the room itself....I really struggle with getting Evie's clothes put away because she is so busy when she is awake, and I can't go in her room when she sleeps.  She suggested maybe for the time being to move her clothes out of her room and into some place I could access when she is sleeping.  I haven't come up with spot yet, but I am definitely brainstorming.

For my front closet:

1. Clear out the upper shelves and make it useful space, not wasted.
2. Definitely consider doing some seasonal storage of the winter coats to free up the space
3. Have Paul build shelves in the bottom for my shoes because my current solution (nothing) is not working and my shoes are overwhelming and getting lost.
4. Put hooks on the inside of the closet to hang bags.
5. Remove the accordion door and replace with a curtain to give more space and accessibility.

For my pantry:

1. I have things in bins, but was running into trouble because I did not know what was in the bottom of them, and would buy more.  For example--I had 3 bags of powdered sugar.  So, we made areas in the closet.  The main eye level area is for things that we are using, like the current open boxes of cereal or crackers.  Shelves below are for sealed boxes and bags to move.
2. I need three bins for my cans:  Veggies, Fruits, Soups.  This will allow me to be able to easily assess what I need to buy or not.
3. Basic reorganization of pantry items.  Least used items went on top and bottom shelves

Thankfully, Paul is major handy and can help me with anything I need to hang or build.  He is more than willing to do whatever he can to help me feel more on top of my life!  I honestly cannot wait for her to come back, but I'm glad we chose 2 hour increments.  I think I would have felt overwhelmed if I did any more than that.  This gives me enough time to complete my goals before her next visit.

Never once did Lynn say I was doing something wrong or made me feel like I was a mess.  She was supportive, and really worked WITH me to find a system that would work for our lifestyle.  I was a little embarassed to let her see the worst areas in my house, but she never acted shocked or disgusted (she may be a great actress) :-).  

If any of you want her to help you out I am more than willing to pass you her number.  I prefer not to post her cell number on the internet, but send me a message and I'll pass it along :-)  This woman has three kids of her own and home schools.  She has to know a thing or two, or 100 about organizing :-)

I'll let ya know how the changes are going and the next changes we make!  Now,  I need to go to be all organized and neat. 

Zone Defense

Kate Krueger Photography

Many of you who are friends with me on Facebook have probably already seen the official announcement that we are indeed expecting our 3rd child!  The official due date is January 21st.

So far, I haven't felt as fearful about #3 as I felt about #2.  I think it is because I know what it is like to add another child to the family.  I have realized that I am actually capable of keeping more than one human being alive at once!  Obviously, adding a child to any family will change up the dynamics a bit, but as of now I am excited and looking forward to the new addition.

Belle is ecstatic and loves to tell everyone that "there is a baby in Mama's belly."  I have a feeling that this time around she is going to be my BIG helper and will be much more interested in what is happening.  Obviously, Evie has no clue what is headed her way, but I have a strong hunch that a younger sibling will do her some good :-)

As far as pregnancy symptoms, I am definitely feeling the nausea like I have with my previous pregnancies.  THANK THE LORD for Zofran, or I would not be able to get myself out of bed!  I did not have this miracle drug with Belle, and I could have used it.  I was also sick my entire pregnancy with Evie, so I am hoping that this time around the nausea starts to fade away shortly.

The exhaustion is what is really killing me.  I'm not sure if it is just this pregnancy, the fact that I am almost 30, OR because I am chasing two other children, but I haven't been this exhausted with any of my other two pregnancies.  I find myself thinking of how to sneak in naps and have totally let my children watch far too much television so I can take a rest on the couch.  I am also hoping this goes away as second trimester approaches!

As always, I ask for prayers for a healthy pregnancy.  I do not take anything for granted and I am beyond humbled and thankful for this child growing inside of me.  I have actually not heard the heartbeat yet.  My 12 week appointment is next week Friday, and although I assume all will be fine because I am feeling all sorts of pregnant, I also know that anything can happen.

Thanks for all of the well wishes and congratulations we have received!  We feel so blessed!

Kate Krueger Photography