Thursday, April 14, 2011

l Will Stop Complaining Finally!

I know that I have done a lot of complaining about my internship over the past year.  I take full responsibility and make no excuses.  The fact is: it was a hard 9 months! However, today I completed all of the hours I needed and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.  I made it!

I have learned a lot about myself through this internship.  First and foremost, I learned that I could never work full-time (or part-time even) while I still have little ones at home.  I will be the first to admit that I suffer from some anxiety.  The upside is that I have sought help for this anxiety (even some great medication that they don't let me use anymore now that I am pregnant), and I am also able to pinpoint exactly what types of instances bring this anxiety on.  I have learned that getting Belle ready, myself ready, and both of us out the door and where we need to by by 7am stresses me out to the max.  By the time I have dropped Belle off I feel like I have just ran a marathon.  I think it is because I feel rushed in the morning.  It would be easier if I woke up earlier, but pregnancy REALLY makes it hard to pull myself out of bed.  Trying to remember everything that she needs and everything I have to bring to work overwhelms me at times.

Now, I know many moms out there are thinking, "how is she going to handle another kid?"  I know I will do fine.  Yes, there will be things that overwhelm me, but I know that this internship was a bit of a different circumstance.  Once kids get older they get a bit more self-sufficient in getting themselves ready, whereas a toddler is still pretty reliant on me to dress her, change her diaper, feed her, and all of that.

I have also learned that I could never do this without the help of my family and friends.  My heart goes out to people who are working to complete a degree and/or an internship and need to find childcare.  My internship didn't pay me, so if I had to pay for childcare on top of this I would have been extremely overwhelmed.  Thankfully, my friends and family gathered around, split up the days, and took on my crazy daughter since August.  I am eternally grateful and so thankful for people who are so willing to help out.

Lastly, I am proud of myself.  I worked my tail off and put in hours and hours of class time, homework time, and internship hours for the past 3 years.  I know that many people get post-graduate degrees and every one of them should be amazed at themselves.  Post graduate work isn't necessarily harder, but it is more difficult for the stage of life I am in.  Undergraduate work was different because all of my peers were doing the same thing.  I wasn't married.  I wasn't a mother, and I just had to worry about myself and studying.  Not so the case with my masters.  So I am going to brag and gloat a bit and toot my own horn. 

So, peace out internship.  Thanks for the education.  I will take my life back now. 


Rose :: said...

YOU SHOULD be proud of yourself. Having a young kid is already a handful. Having a young child AND a job is very hard. You did it.

i BELIEVE that your anxiety is not that unusual, actually, but rather, quite common. Kids have their own pace and it aint the clock's pace. If you have a job whereby you must be punctual, you have a stressful job.

I think you are right that part-time is the way to go for a lot of new moms. For a while at least. Or, better still, have great help AND somewhat flexible hours.

Anyhow, Belle looks like a happy kid, so you've done great so far!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Betsy. It is a huge undertaking and you managed it. But yes, most of us moms who see career as a second calling to motherhood have a certain amount of anxiety to deal with in juggling both. Look at me- way, way, way past toddler/baby years and yet I still struggle with time commitments, family and work. Good Job!
Crys O